[The following will be the most
personal and emotional post I have ever shared, and may contain some
cathartic rambling. I need to work things out in my head and it helps me
to write...in a sense, this is my personal “de-briefing” brain dump. I
apologize in advance for its length, scope and potential
circumlocutions. Thank you for being my “sounding board.”]
It
is no secret that I am concerned about the broken modern medical system
that can create problems rather than heal
disorders/malfunctions/ailments and promote lifelong wellness. Yes,
there are doctors who break out of the mold of their conventional
training; they question the establishment’s paradigm and pursue holistic
education, learn Real Medicine, and adopt skills and a knowledge base
that can be of genuine value to ailing people.
But these
practitioners seem to be the exception, not the rule. The medical
industry is dominated by drug companies and “little gods in white
coats.” Corruption, ego, profit-seeking, as well as protocols and
treatments driven by limited paradigms and legal pressures conspire to
create a bloated system that is impotent to effectively treat ailing
health, systemic malfunctions, chronic illness, autoimmune disorders,
and more. Truly, the system needs more groundbreaking doctors like the
late Dr. Mendelsohn, a self-confessed medical heretic who upheld
holistic principles of wellness and healing, and who encouraged parents
to eject from the system, taking direct control of their children’s
health.
[Here is the cliff notes version of a planned post that
will likely not see the light of day: In my opinion, well child checks
are a waste of your time and money. You can and should learn to be your
child’s own pediatrician, you just need some study and basic tools
(books, otoscope, stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, basic herbal and
homeopathic kits, etc). Maternal instincts are divine...hone them, trust
them. Save yourself the headaches of fighting the fear-based,
drug-driven system and protect your child from unnecessary treatments
and vaccines. Learn to follow your gut; should you feel you need to do
so, seek help for your child if he is seriously ill/suffering beyond
what you can diagnose and remedy at home. This line will vary for people
depending on knowledge base, acquired skills and confidence. But keep
learning and practicing and you’ll feel the need to seek help less and
less.]
I have long vocalized my vexation with the modern medical
system’s limited paradigm of the human body’s functions, responses and
healing powers; its approach to wellness and illness; its eagerness to
categorize as “idiopathic” whatever malfunctions do not fit into its
paradigm or cannot be solved by its limited tools (“WE don’t know what
causes X, ergo there IS no cause…”). I am concerned with harms caused by
an overblown, malpractice-driven, sometimes fraudulent system. Some
elements of the system are downright dishonorable, others simply
misguided. There exists a tendency to apply extreme unnecessary
interventions or “one-size-fits-all” protocols to every situation. The
error of the allopathic technocratic approach is to apply toxic bandaids
of drugs and surgeries rather than to achieve healing through effective
cures, such as botanical and homeopathic medicines, nutritional
healing, and noninvasive physical therapy modalities (acupuncture,
reflexology, chiropractic, hydrotherapy, craniosacral and massage,
etc.). For as much as the “system” thinks it corners the market on
medical knowledge, there are vast mysteries still to be uncovered. The
more we know about the workings of the human body, the more we realize
we have so much more to learn.
Rather than taking personal
responsibility for wellness, people rush to obtain treatments and
procedures they don’t really need that won’t truly help. This is not
healing, it is not establishing wellness. Unfortunately, such behavior
contributes to the perpetuation of a faulty system. People should eject
from the regular use of the medical establishment and should studiously
take their health into their own hands, establishing and maintaining
wellness through a non-toxic lifestyle, genuine nutrition, and botanical
medicine.
But within the afflicted conventional medical system
exists caring individuals, well-meaning practitioners, and certain
emergency procedures and technologies for which we can be thankful. It
has always been my opinion that emergency medicine is a necessary and
legitimate arm of the modern medical system. While I don’t agree with
all its practices and treatments, I find lifesaving medical technologies
overall to occupy worthwhile space on the spectrum of healing arts.
The
specialized skills and modern technology involved in lifesaving
procedures and trauma treatment are often quite advantageous. They can
mean the difference between life and premature death. It would be
wonderful to see our system enlightened to incorporating nontoxic,
natural medicine and modalities into its emergency care system. A
multitude of potent, fast-acting herbal and homeopathic medicines exist.
Herbal antibiotics can be just as effective, and are certainly safer,
than their synthetic pharmaceutical counterparts (which contribute to
toxic load and flora disruption); bugs don't easily develop antibiotic
resistance to botanical medicines as they do to drugs. But
conventionally trained doctors don’t know how to use these herbal
medicines. And as long as the medical industry is deeply profit driven
(i.e: pharmaceutical companies), these beneficial botanical medicines
will not be employed as they should be.
Not all traumas require
conventional medical care. Herbal first aid is incredibly potent. When
you become intimate with botanical medicine, build a knowledge base of
anatomy and physiology, and become confident with healing and triage
skills, you can treat most accidents and illnesses at home without
suffering the negative side effects of conventional medical treatments.
We can often successfully remedy minor breaks and dislocations, wounds
and poisonings, infections, even cardiovascular and respiratory
malfunctions and much more.
But sometimes the nature of accidents
and ailments require emergency medical treatment, the legitimate
protocols and technologies of the modern medical system. This is when
modern medicine can serve a valuable purpose. I have long said that if
my husband were to cut off his arm in a chainsaw accident, I would take
him to the ER and pray for a competent surgeon. But I would perform
post-op wound and infection care at home (you would be astounded to see
the power of certain plants, like plantain, comfrey, shepherd’s purse,
cayenne, garlic and usnea).
A particular pet peeve of mine is the
fear-based birth industry, whose standard protocols...driven both by a
flawed technocratic paradigm and inflated legal concerns...suppress and
subvert the normal physiological processes of labor and birth. The
perpetual medicalization and technological intervention of normal birth
violates women and babies. The system treats all births as potential
traumas and subjects laboring mothers to practices and interventions
that hinder the natural physiological process of birth, which can lead
to negative birth outcomes. But within this system are valuable skills
and technologies that are appropriate for the minority (approx. 5%) of
at-risk women and unforeseen pregnancy and birth complications.
The
current system is backwards and needs an overhaul so that our medical
culture expects, upholds and encourages the power and beauty of normal
birth. As in some European models, our birth system should be one where
midwives are the primary caregivers and women are expected to birth
normally and naturally, supported by midwife (“with woman”) attendants.
But OBs, as complication, trauma and surgical specialists, play an
important role in serious emergent conditions of both pregnancy and
birth. The OB would be an assisting member of the midwife-led team,
prepared to attend to the minority of women who require more invasive
medical care. This would be a valuable system that provides appropriate
care for all unique women; when the rare occurs, and what is ordinarily a
natural, risk-free physiological event becomes a life-threatening
trauma, a solution exists.
Professional midwives are pregnancy
and “birth as a natural physiological process” experts. While we embrace
a holistic paradigm of natural physiological birth that requires little
interference and often only support and assistance, well-educated and
well-trained midwives can competently manage and treat many difficulties
that arise during pregnancy and birth, even traumas to mother or baby
(such as hemorrhage or neonatal resuscitation). Typically a holistic
midwife sees herself as an assistant to the birthing mother, an
emotional encourager and physical attendant responding to the mother’s
needs, and as a lifeguard sitting by and carefully observing. But a
well-trained midwife has tremendous technical abilities and instincts,
with her hands, her observational skills, and her intimate knowledge of
her client serving as her most important tools.
Rather than
relying on sometimes unreliable and potentially harmful diagnostic
devices, a midwife uses her hands to assess a woman’s pelvic capacity to
birth, the size and position of baby during the stages of pregnancy,
and more. A homebirth midwife can manually perform procedures for birth
complications that in a hospital setting would often result in a
surgical delivery, such as assisting a woman to birth her breech baby,
or resolving a shoulder dystocia during birth. Midwives have the skills
to assist prolonged and difficult labors, helping to shift malpositioned
babies and encouraging the laboring woman to choose a position that
facilitates the birth process and preserves the perineum (hint: the
typical hospital position for pushing, semi-reclined with knees drawn to
chest, feet to buttocks, is detrimental to the perineum and can slow
baby’s birth progress). As opposed to the industrial protocol
episiotomy, a violation of a woman’s body and natural birth processes,
the midwife performs perineal support when needed to allow those
resilient tissues to stretch and accommodate baby’s descent. And when a
perineal/vaginal tissue tear occurs (which is far less common with
proper birth position and perineal support), the midwife has the tools
and skills to repair it. If faced with a difficult birth, a skilled and
knowledgable midwife can stop hemorrhages, perform bimanual uterine
compressions if necessary, treat shock, and even resuscitate a
nonresponsive newborn. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
If unanticipated complications occur, the midwife is prepared. And this
preparation includes the wisdom to know when to seek outside assistance.
For
a healthy woman assisted by a skilled midwife who has provided
intimate, continuous, hands-on prenatal care, the home is the optimal
birthplace: safe, comfortable, risk-free (from both foreign pathogens
and the cascade of unnecessary interventions). The majority of women can
pursue birth as as the beautiful, natural, empowering event for which
our bodies were designed.
But there are times when complications
can occur beyond a midwife’s toolbox of skills and equipment. There will
be potential clients who should be screened out as homebirth candidates
because of health risk factors. There may arise complications during a
pregnancy that require medical treatment, such as pre-eclampsia. As
disappointing as it is, there are times when a technocratic setting may
be the safest birth route for the at-risk woman and baby. There will be
times when nothing but an emergency technology will do. OBs are trauma
and surgical experts. If you are a member of the 5%, the technical
obstetrical approach can be helpful, even necessary.
I have a
“passionate” personality. I become easily indignant at injustice. In
large part, portions of the modern medical system and the modern birth
system are unjust, even harmful. But despite my frustration with this
system, I have given intellectual assent and neutral respect to the
careful use of lifesaving emergency medical procedures. But now, I am
personally thankful for the appropriate use of medical technology
because on February 12-13, 2013, it saved my life.
On February
12, I suffered my third miscarriage. This one was shockingly fast. I had
no major impending signs, only a few spots of brown (which means “old”)
and pink-brown blood throughout the day...nothing more, no cramping, no
increase in bleeding. So, I was devastated when my water unexpectedly
broke early Tuesday evening and I instantly birthed my lifeless
14-week-old baby boy. Immediately, I began bleeding like a slow faucet
and soon after started slipping into shock.
This was unlike my
other miscarriages. It was violent and traumatic. I felt myself losing
consciousness as I bled and passed clots...this was all within five
minutes. If I had been treating “the client,” I would have immediately
dosed with aconite, cayenne and shepherd’s purse (anti-shock and
anti-hemorrhagic remedies). Maybe it would have worked...it has done
before, in other situations. But I was not in a position to treat
myself. And I knew that I was hemorrhaging too quickly beyond what I
could control...that I needed help. As someone who does not use the
medical system, I do not take this lightly. But I know enough from my
midwifery studies to know that losing consciousness while hemorrhaging
is highly undesirable and potentially fatal. This was the only reason I
would consent to a transport to the hospital...I felt my life was
seriously at risk. My husband got me down on the bathroom floor and
called an ambulance. The rest of the event is a bit of a blur.
The
average woman has eight to ten pints of blood in her body. A blood loss
of 40% can cause death. A massive hemorrhage is defined as a loss of
total EBV (estimated blood volume) in 24 hours, or a loss of half of EBV
in three hours. Blood transfusion is necessary to avoid death.
“Obstetrical hemorrhage is often acute, dramatic, and underestimated.
Postpartum hemorrhage is a significant cause of maternal death.” (
Society of OB/GYNs of Canada, Hemorrhagic Shock document)
Medical
professionals agree that blood loss, something difficult to visually
assess, is regularly underestimated. We estimate that I lost two pints
of blood before the ambulance arrived. At the hospital, between the time
I arrived hooked up to the saline IV and the time I quickly began
crashing, the blood loss was approximately another two pints. Between
those events, sensing my husband's concern at the possibility of
inappropriate interventions (such as hysterectomy), the OB did not push
us into immediate surgery. However, the ER team erred initially by not
administering what should be standard protocol for a woman who arrives
in a state of hemorrhage...anti-hemorrhagic uterine clamping drugs, such
as methergine, pitocin, cytotec. Most medical professionals would
agree that this error did contribute to the crash that followed. (Such
is the risk of living in a small town with a small hospital.)
Our
bad situation turned worse quickly as my bleeding increased and I went
from mild to moderate hemorrhagic shock; my husband knew that despite
the “vitals” looking semi-reasonable (BP, pulse, etc), I was slipping
away. Diagnostics are limited. Machines and tests can tell us only so
much about what is going on inside the body. In diagnosing any ailment,
labs can look “normal,” stats can appear acceptable, and you can still
be very ill. These tools are imperfect, limited indicators of what is
going on physiologically; they are not flawless representations of
reality, they have neither God-like knowledge nor x-ray vision. My body
rapidly degraded from a Class 3 to a Class 4 hemorrhage, but because my
husband’s instincts made him insistent, I was not lost.
The man
who knows me best observed me and knew I was dying. I knew it, but was
not lucid enough to participate, and I believe that the OB saw it as
well. (They told me later that my pallor was alarming...that I was
“whiter than a sheet,” that I looked like a body in a casket. The OB
told me she was instantly concerned when she observed my blanched lips.)
The OB seemed relieved that my husband insisted upon whatever emergency
lifesaving measures were necessary (of course wanting to avoid
hysterectomy), and that he did not bat an eye at the course of blood
transfusion.
The Bible says that the “life is in the blood.” I
have never before understood that fact so intimately. As I lay in the
ER, my body suffering the shock of a major hemorrhage, I felt myself
dying. It was a physically painful and emotionally horrific experience.
In addition to the physical experience (extreme coldness, shaking, loss
of sight and sound, gushing blood), I felt my life leaving my body with
all that blood. It is an experience I am unable to adequately express
with words, the feeling of my life force ebbing away.
I remember
at one point that my husband was leaning over me, speaking urgently to
me, telling me to stay awake. I was losing consciousness, and I knew
that if I closed my eyes, I would never again open them. I have never
been so scared, despite my trust in God. I was not ready to die. I
struggled to remain...and then I was taken to surgery, of which I
gratefully remember nothing due to the anesthesia. My body continued to
bleed aggressively. The OB worked with difficulty for two hours to stop
my uterine hemorrhage while they began my blood transfusion (my husband
says the young OB seemed shaken but relieved after the surgery; she
later expressed how intense the situation had been). In addition to the
difficulty in halting the hemorrhage, during the surgery, my heart
suffered arrhythmias. No doubt!
The OB told me later that despite
making multiple passes through my uterus and removing all its contents,
despite giving me every drug she could to stop the hemorrhage and get
the uterus to contract; despite performing bimanual compressions...the
bleeding simply would not stop. She had the ER doctor come in to do
ultrasound while she went through the uterus again, hoping to find
something she had missed, to no avail. She said she was mentally
preparing to begin a hysterectomy (which she knew we did not want) to
save my life when the bleeding finally just slowed and stopped. What an
answer to the prayers of my husband, pacing alone in a waiting room!
It was a miracle that saved us from the limitations of "rural medicine,"
as our local hospital does not have the expertise or the equipment to
perform
procedures that can arrest uterine hemorrhaging
far less detrimental, invasive and permanent than hysterectomy, such as
B-Lynch suturing, uterine arterial ligation, or uterine arterial
embolization.
Before being released from the ICU two days later,
I had received six pints of blood along with additional platelets and
plasma; even after that, my hemoglobin and hematocrit levels were lower
than normal and I still feel weak. Under normal circumstances, it takes
90 days for the human body to replenish its red blood cell levels. After
traumatic blood loss, it takes the body longer to return to "normal." I
should be “renewed” in four to six months. The life is absolutely in
the blood.
The medical technology of a blood transfusion restored
my life. Risks? Side effects? Sure...of course...risk of allergy to the
blood during transfusion. Fatal risks of overuse of the fluid
resuscitation (saline IV). Risk of future infection from the blood
transfusion (yes, blood products can be dangerous...at this point, I
cannot read anymore articles about the risks I endured on that front; it
was our only choice to avoid death). Risks of iatrogenic death simply
due to my being subject to all those procedures. Risk of contracting an
illness or infection from spending time in the hospital. Side effects of
having my body subject to numerous chemicals and drugs. But I was
dying. And now I’m alive. I survived the risks thus far and cannot allow
myself to fear any others.
Yes, I’m radical about natural
living. But I wasn’t ready to die, so compromises were made. Lifesaving
emergency procedures were taken and then I awoke and spent observation
and acute recovery time in the hospital. The situation demanded that I
be subject to particular protocols. Would I have chosen therapeutic
doses of usnea and garlic, vitamins D and C, rather than the
pharmaceutical antibiotic insisted upon to “ward off” potential
infection after the procedure? You bet your bottom dollar. But that
wasn’t a protocol fight I could fight at that time. (I immediately began
dosing myself upon returning home.) Acceptable compromise. At least no
one tried to give me a vaccination. That would have been a fight I would
refuse to lose.
Sure, now I need to add an intense couple weeks
of GAPS Intro into my recovery scheme, to combat the pathogenic
overgrowth I’m already feeling. But I know the drill. The anesthesia
drugs that were given to me to put me out for the two to three hour
desperate, multiple pass D&C procedure? I’m not going to regret
that; I’m glad to some degree that I wasn’t awake and aware (though I do
feel the need to understand everything that happened to me while I was
“out”). I’ll happily add some extra liver detox boosts and juicing
during my GAPS Intro recovery boot camp. I need to consider it a small
price to pay for defying death. I will take time now to heal, to detox
my body, to re-establish flora and gut health, to use nutrients and
anti-infectious herbs to support my immunity. I would prefer to see the
emergency medical system rely less on pharmaceuticals and more on
healing botanical medicines for certain aspects of treatment, but that
is not their way. With the good (but not without its risks) lifesaving
technology comes some bad… But I’m here to talk about it, and that’s
what matters to me today. The appropriate use of medical skill and
technology can save lives.
I will continue my studies and
training to become a knowledgeable, skilled, professional midwife,
acquiring the techniques and instincts to assist and empower women to
birth their babies naturally at home, and to attend to any complications
and traumas that I can. But I have a renewed understanding about the
importance of carefully screening homebirth candidates and providing
intimate continuity of care during the prenatal year (watching
diligently for anemia, malnutrition, and other underlying health
complications). I understand in a very personal way that some women
might suffer complications that cannot be treated without medical
intervention.
In future, when I encounter a genuinely high-risk
client or acute life-threatening trauma that only specialized technology
can treat, I will be thankful to have a working relationship with a
respectful and skilled (and hopefully holistically minded) OB. Words
cannot express how saddened I am to think that I may never become
pregnant again. Of course, this is not something that I or anyone can
know with certainty. The unusually aggressive D&C procedure likely
scarred the interior of my uterus, which can make it extremely difficult
for the embryo to implant. This is the devastating reality of my
survival.
Life has a way of educating us, and I pray that my
experiences will become valuable to others; my pattern of hyperemesis
(extreme nausea and vomiting) during pregnancy no doubt lead to anemia,
increasing risk of hemorrhage. I experienced this with my third birth,
but we were able to control the hemorrhage at home and all was well
after my recovery. My miscarriage this September left me weak, likely
anemic, and the hyperemesis of this (quite unexpected) pregnancy
undoubtedly contributed to further anemia, spurring the hemorrhage,
which seemed out of my control. Might I have stopped the hemorrhage with
aggressive use of herbs and manual compression? Possibly, if I had been
in a state of mind and body to tend to my own care. But that didn't
happen, and without the blood transfusion, I would have died.
Can
I safely become pregnant again? Possibly. Will my uterus be able to
accept and support another baby? I don't know... Will this traumatic
event throw my hormones into havoc and possibly bring on early
menopause? Quite possible, even probably. But I still hope to have
another child. If my body can get past the hurdles and conceive again,
the greatest risk is of another miscarriage while anemic. As opposed to
a full term pregnancy, the body's blood volume is not great enough in
the midst of a pregnancy to compensate for traumatic blood loss during a
second term miscarriage. The uterus is fuller and the placenta does
not birth directly after the baby; the process is much more drawn out,
which means significant and constant bleeding from the uterus. The
uterus cannot clamp down/contract closed while products of pregnancy are
yet retained. The extreme bleeding, coupled with anemia, set the
scenario for deadly hemorrhage.
I don’t know if I can heal the
underlying malfunctions causing my pregnancy difficulties. I am hopeful
but not prognosticating. I am praying for wisdom and healing. But I am
so thankful that I have three live children, my miracles, whom I love
beyond telling.
Now, I recover. It’s strange, but I’m feeling
like I’ll never be normal again. I’m sure that will pass in time. I
can’t quite put it into words, though, but I feel like I’m not all
here...that some part of me didn’t come back with the rest of me. I have
no doubt that the emotional and physical losses will take time to heal.
I just feel...different. I don’t think I ever before fully comprehended
how fragile life can be. Things look and feel different to me now.
Perhaps I have a new lease on life, as they say...a renewed sense of
purpose. It is time for me to seriously assess how I should live the
remainder of this life. In the last six months, I turned 40, lost two
babies to miscarriage, and almost died. Needless to say, I’m entering an
intense life re-evaluation mode. I believe that means more undistracted
time with my children and husband, and a simplification of my pursuits.
I don’t know when I might write again, but I thank you all for your
support and I pray that God blesses you!
This book is fun, educational, inspirational, and necessary for all pregnant and hope-to-be-pregnant ladies. I can attribute my least painful and easiest birth to a bit of wisdom I garnered from reading it. (I'll give you a hint...OPEN...visualize it, say it, be it...)
